{"id":775,"date":"2008-01-15T20:30:45","date_gmt":"2008-01-15T18:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.breigh.com\/wordpress\/archives\/775"},"modified":"2010-05-31T23:45:42","modified_gmt":"2010-05-31T21:45:42","slug":"i-wonder-things","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/archives\/775","title":{"rendered":"I Wonder Things&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I often wonder things that I wonder if other people are wondering too, know what I mean?\u00a0\u00a0 If it&#8217;s just me, then I&#8217;m either really weird or I have a superior brain to everyone else.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I wonder how conjoined twins ever have a sex life.\u00a0 Does one twin put on a mask and stuff their ears to give the other twin privacy?\u00a0\u00a0 Are there kinky conjoined twin threesome groups out there?\u00a0 Does a man marry one of the twins or both, and if he marries both, doesn&#8217;t that make him a polygamist?<\/li>\n<li>I wonder what dogs hear when we speak to them.\u00a0 Do they eventually understand us or do we always sound like the teacher from Peanuts with a few sounds (SIT, TREAT) that they learn to put together with things that happen afterwards?<\/li>\n<li>If you dream when you sleep, and your dreams are often affected by things you see and hear when you are awake.\u00a0 What do people see when they die and come back to life?\u00a0 Couldn&#8217;t all those &#8216;white light&#8217; people just be seeing something they expect to see?\u00a0 That is, if they really see anything at all&#8230; but I&#8217;m so not going there.<\/li>\n<li>Does everyone see colors the same?\u00a0 I know if I see something blue that my husband can also tell me it&#8217;s blue, but how do I know the blue he sees is the blue I see?\u00a0 Maybe the blue he sees is my green, or the yellow I see is his purple.\u00a0 How do we know for sure?<\/li>\n<li>Is there actually something physically different about men that causes them to fall asleep on the sofa after meals?\u00a0 If so, how do they manage to stay awake at work?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I wonder lots of other things too, but I ever wonder them when I&#8217;m near my computer ad by the time I am I&#8217;ve forgotten.\u00a0 I hate that.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I wish things were different in the world too, things that I think make more sense that would make life a lot easier.<\/p>\n<p>If there was a god and I was it, here&#8217;s how I would have done things&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Women take a pill when they want to get pregnant, rather than when they don&#8217;t.<\/li>\n<li>Our periods wouldn&#8217;t be out of our control, our uterus would just act like a bladder &#8211; &#8220;Excuse me, I have to go bleed&#8221;.\u00a0\u00a0 Go to the toilet, empty, wipe and move on.\u00a0 Ok, it&#8217;s gross but convenient!<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate would be the carrots of the current world.\u00a0 Parents would warn us that if we didn&#8217;t eat our chocolate we&#8217;d need glasses and people would recommend chocolate sticks as a healthy snack when you are on a diet.\u00a0 Oh, and disgusting stuff like brussel sprouts would be extremely fattening and people would only eat them if they wanted to gain weight.<\/li>\n<li>Yeah, and people would never get overweight unless they purposely set out to, by eating broccoli.<\/li>\n<li>Animals would be able to talk, so that when we tell them why they shouldn&#8217;t scratch the furniture or pee on the bed we can ask them if they understand and get an answer that we can hold against them later.\u00a0 Then we&#8217;d also know when they need to pee or when they are just being attention whores.<\/li>\n<li>Humans would have the ability to teleport themselves &#8211; &#8220;One sec hon, just gonna pop over to Canada to show mom my new haircut!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I can&#8217;t think of any more and I&#8217;ve just been totally distracted.\u00a0\u00a0 We had pizza for dinner and my husband fell asleep on the sofa (yeah, that&#8217;s where that one came from).\u00a0 I had a bit of gas so I figured, well&#8230; he&#8217;s asleep.<\/p>\n<p>He woke up and said &#8220;Huh?\u00a0 What did you say hon?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Err&#8230;\u00a0 I farted&#8221;, I replied<\/p>\n<p>Then he mumbled something about that not really being worth waking up for.<\/p>\n<p>My bad!\u00a0 I should have said that I said I love you or something equally clever but my head is filled with pepperoni and cheese at the moment.<\/p>\n<div id=\"scid:0767317B-992E-4b12-91E0-4F059A8CECA8:9692c3e9-60ca-4a07-a2b1-fba0eeb130d7\" class=\"wlWriterSmartContent\" style=\"padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px\">Technorati Tags: <a rel=\"tag\" href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/tags\/Thoughts\">Thoughts<\/a>,<a rel=\"tag\" href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/tags\/Women\">Women<\/a>,<a rel=\"tag\" href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/tags\/Chocolate\">Chocolate<\/a>,<a rel=\"tag\" href=\"http:\/\/technorati.com\/tags\/Hubby\">Hubby<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I often wonder things that I wonder if other people are wondering too, know what I mean?\u00a0\u00a0 If it&#8217;s just me, then I&#8217;m either really weird or I have a superior brain to everyone else. I wonder how conjoined twins ever have a sex life.\u00a0 Does one twin put on a mask and stuff their &hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[114,52],"class_list":["post-775","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","","category-randoms","tag-random-thoughts","tag-xander"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=775"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5209,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775\/revisions\/5209"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=775"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=775"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.canadutch.nl\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=775"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}