![\"pantsbig\"](\"http:\/\/www.breigh.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/pantsbig.jpg\" "\\"pantsbig\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nI could have used that drawstring today during laundry day.<\/p>\n
I have to admit, it felt sort of good to wear those pants again. Not because I still like them for the same reasons, but because I needed a reminder of why I should stay on track. The last few weeks have been a bit difficult for me, first with my gallbladder issues and surgery<\/a>, then some other private issues that came up that I had to deal with.<\/p>\n Well, let\u2019s just say it\u2019s been a stressful couple of weeks\u2026 and even though I\u2019ve lost almost 85 lbs now, one thing has not changed. When I pass a certain level of anxiety or stress, there is only one thing I want to do.<\/p>\n EAT! Eat every damn thing in sight.<\/p>\n Then I get pissed off that I still have those urges to eat for comfort.<\/p>\n Which makes me want to eat more\u2026 which makes me more pissed off\u2026 which makes me want to eat\u2026 which\u2026 you get the point.<\/p>\n I try not to, and most of the time I succeed. I try to just eat more of the healthy things that fit nicely into my diet but with Christmas on top of it all, it\u2019s a bit more difficult. There is temptation everywhere I go, people are on Facebook talking about the delicious things they have eaten, baked, or bought, the oliebollen<\/a> are out everywhere I go\u2026 and I feel like I am missing out. I know that NOT missing out on ANYTHING is what made me so hideously fat to begin with and I try to remind myself of that. I know that there are a lot of things I\u2019m missing out on because of my weight too, and while Christmas will be over in a week, all those things I\u2019ve been missing out on will still be there.<\/p>\n I also know that there are a few very important health issues that depend on me continuing to lose weight in order to improve. There are things I want for my life that rely on me continuing to lose this weight. It\u2019s SO important for my future and my happiness<\/em>.<\/p>\n Anyway, what I mean is that I needed to wear those great big baggy pants today. Now more than any other time I\u2019ve been trying to lose weight, I needed<\/em> to feel like I\u2019ve changed and see some evidence of all the hard work. Those pants gave that to me today. By being way too big even without needing to use any of the stretch in them, by the crotch hanging down to my knees, and by hanging to my ankles when they once went just past my knees. Those pants gave me a little more strength to get through the holiday season.<\/p>\n So did my husband\u2026 by climbing into the pants with me and showing me that now we can both fit into pants that I almost didn\u2019t fit into myself at one time.<\/p>\n This made me laugh. In fact, we both laughed so hard that we collapsed and I knocked the towel rack behind me straight off the wall!<\/p>\n It\u2019s true, you know, what they say about laughter being the best medicine. I didn\u2019t even care that we busted the towel rack, or that we came very close to being found dead two weeks from now because we were tangled up in the same pants and couldn\u2019t out of our tiny bathroom to find help. All I cared about was that my husband was in my pants and that gave me more pleasure than any oliebollen ever could.<\/p>\n Yes, I know how dirty that sounded.<\/p>\n Yes honey, it\u2019s ok if you tell all your friends I said that.<\/p>\n After my post about reaching 80 lbs lost<\/a> and joking on Facebook about my husband getting in my pants with me, some people commented that they wanted to see some real before and after photos, as up until this point I\u2019ve really only shown photos of my face. That\u2019s because photos of me before I started trying to lose weight are VERY few and far between.<\/p>\n I may love being behind a camera but I have never enjoyed being in front of one. When I was over 300 lbs the thought of taking photos of myself, or worse\u2026 putting them on the internet, was my biggest nightmare.<\/p>\n Anyhow, I dug through my photo archives and found some photos of myself back in 2008 while I was in France. I don\u2019t think I had quite reached my highest weight at that point, I was probably somewhere between 280 \u2013 300 lbs. Tonight I had my husband shoot some quick photos of me in somewhat the same positions to try to show the difference.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\n