Oh god, I’m filing this under tantrums & rants because I don’t have a “Pool of Tears” category (although, I should). What a weekend this has been so far. So happy one minute, so panicky the next, and often ready to burst into tears. Not because I’m sad, because I’ve actually been quite happy lately, but because my body seems to hate me and I don’t understand. When will it end? When will my body stop doing these things to me?<\/p>\n
I think if I didn’t control my own brain, my fingers would point at myself and I would laugh outrageously loud… because the joke seems to be on me. I’m getting old… not just old but FUCKING old physically. What in the hell is going on?<\/p>\n
Ok, I’ve rambled enough and I’m sure you are wondering what on earth has happened.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I made an appointment to go get my hair done. I was sick and tired of having my natural color, because it’s mousy and bland (and because some of them were GREY! Argh!)… I was going to go do something wild with it again, including cutting it finally. I did both of these things (YAY!) but there was one moment while I was there that made me want to crawl under a rock and die. That moment just after the stylist finished cutting my hair and held the mirror up behind me to show me the back.<\/p>\n
I…. wanted…. to …. die!!<\/p>\n
You see, for months.. no wait, YEARS… I’ve been convinced that I was losing more hair than normal. Every time I’d come out of the shower I’d say something to Xander and start pulling my hair around and making him look at my head. He’d just tell me I was imagining things and it only seemed that way because my hair was so long and I noticed it more. Seemed to make sense, but I still couldn’t shake that feeling. Whenever I’d pull my hair back in a ponytail I’d notice that it would part in different places and you could see my scalp. It wasn’t bald<\/em> but I couldn’t remember having that problem before.<\/p>\n Being the complete bonehead that I am, I failed to mention it anytime I visited the doctor. I guess because I was usually there for other reasons and didn’t want to seem like a raging hypochondriac.<\/p>\n Right, back to last night. When she held up the mirror my hair was wet and just after being cut. I looked at the crown of my head and almost screamed… It looked so thin, like a balding man! In a panic I asked Xander and my hairdresser if they saw it. Was I still imagining it?! Is it NORMAL for your scalp to show through like that?!! They both agreed that it did seem to be thinning quite badly (In my head I was screaming at Xander for not seeing it one of the other 1000 times I tried to show him). My stylist suggested that I should go see my doctor.<\/p>\n I know what it is though…. and it sucks.<\/p>\n