Canadutch
Going into my appointment with my fertility specialist today, I had everything figured out. We were going to take 1-2 years off from trying to get pregnant to give me time to lose my extra weight and for us to figure out if we even really want children afterall… or if our (my) previous obsession with having children was brought on by depression and confusion and a need to add something to a life we (I) thought was lacking here in NL.
When I got in there I reported my 20 LB loss since I saw her last, to which she sort of hummed and calculated how much I still had to go and once again brought up the Gastric Banding topic, which I consider to be totally out of the question. Yes, I have a fair bit of weight to lose but I am not morbidly obese, nor am I unable to exercise and lose this weight naturally.
After explaining that my husband and I have discussed it and decided to take 1-2 years off from ‘project baby’ to figure out what we want and for me to get in better shape to deal with pregnancy if it happens… I then got the speech about my age. Jesus christ, when did I get to be the age where it was NOW OR NEVER?! Ok she wasn’t that bad but she did tell me that putting it off isn’t the best idea because at 31 I don’t have that much time left. Ok, yeah now that I think about, it pretty much was as bad as I said.
Now I feel as though we have all these massive life decisions to make and we must make them right now, because if we don’t we’ll be left without a choice. Like my biological clock is this time bomb inside of me that if I don’t figure out how to disarm it, is going to go off and blow me and everyone around me to smithereens.
Do we really want children or do we want our freedom? Do I want to put my body through something as stressful as this gastric banding to lose weight in 1/2 the time so I can get pregnant quicker?! (I already know the answer to that one, NO!)
It turns out I do have PCOS which I was reminded is not a disease, but a group of symptoms. Yeah, ok potayto.. potahto, whatever! It all adds up to me struggling with my weight, losing my hair, being infertile and it sucks! So because of this, the chances of us getting pregnant naturally are very slim.
Do we really want the stress of these medical procedures to get pregant? The three years we’ve spent trying to concieve has already taken our sex life to the very pits of hell and we’ve barely recovered from it. What would IVF and all that other shit do to our sex lives and our emotional state?
Is having children REALLY worth it when it gets to this point? I really don’t know.
People who have children talk as though life is incomplete without them, but is it? Isn’t there just as much to gain out of life through loving your partner, travelling, seeing the world and the things that come along with the freedom of NOT having children?
Fuck sake… where’s a magic 8 ball when I need one.
Ok so you put this up to fill us newbies in. There is a history of PCOS in my family. I too battle weight issues all the time.
My two cousins (who are your age) had problems conceiving. They both took Metformin to help. (They each have now had two successful pregnancies.)
It helps reduce weight (as a side effect) reduces the frequency of complications of the PCOS, and increases fertility, and can be continued through the pregnacy to help with any chance of gestational diabetes.
If you two are certain you are not certain about a family. Know that this low cost medication will help once you decide.
I had two children. The symptoms of the PCOS reduced greatly while I was pregnant and stayed low key long enough for me to become quickly pregnant again. 20months between my sons.
I did have problems with contriception though. Because of the hormone variences from the PCOS I often reacted to the pill, and IUD.
It could take up to 2 yrs for the metformin to work. So if you decide later to have kids, then dont wait till the last minute.
Also you may want to stay away from chemical contraception. Better to use condoms.
The pill can mess you up more as you get closer to age 35 and you can have problems inwhich you don’t know you are pregnant, yet you are, while taking the pill, for up to 6 months gestation before you even have a clue you are pregnant
My doc says I am still not too old to have more kids (if I wanted, I don’t!) and I am 39.
Your doc is going to the extreme, frig her.
I know many women who had kids later in life, like late 30’s and some even in their 40’s.
If you’re as unsure as ya say you should wait and re-think it all b/c kids are a lifelong freaken up/down rollercoaster ride of committment.
I’m not gonna lie, I think anyone who says life is complete without a child would change their mind 100% if they held their own baby so if you want children keep trying and never mind your age.
My 2 cents
My mother had my little sister at 33, a natural birth, with no problems whatsoever. If you need the time to consider this huge life choice, then I say take it. 31 is NOT old, by any stretch of the imagination.
I’m 28 and don’t plan to have children. It’s simply not something that I have planned for my life, and I don’t feel the slightest bit incomplete. My husband is on board with me in this choice, and as Staci said above, it’s nice to have the time, money, attention, etc. to give to one another, and of course our furbabies. ;)
Kristyn
I agree with Staci. Wholeheartedly. Be 100+100% sure.
Tammy I am so sorry to hear all this, but that doctor in my opinion is a quack, heck I am just as big as you and hello I just had a child. And the saying that kids change your life and can’t live without them, yeah you can’t live without them cause you have no choice! Somedays I would rather have my freedom to do what I want not WHAT he needs. I just want to sleep for 5 days.
Having kids is nice but somedays its a real pain.
And honey you by no means need a gastric bypass, my god my Sis in law is about 3 times the size of you and also had/has PCOS and she has 2 boys, the doc said they are miricale babies but, hey at least there is hope for you and Xander. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide. And hey if you want to experience having a baby I could send you Toby for awhile. :)
Hugs honey I am thinking of you in all this stress.
I am a little confused. Maybe I am getting the wrong impression from your pictures, but you don’t look like you are even in the same time zone as gastric bypass. When I think of procedures like that I picture enormous people who really can’t lose weight any other way. You are certainly not enormous, and if you need gastric bypass, half the damn country does. But I can’t see how it ties in to getting pregnant (though I am a medical imbecile) other than to say again, if you need it to get pregnant, there must be millions of women who do.
Anyway, about having kids, I would say hold off. If you are not absolutely sure you want them, don’t. If you decide later you do, you can try then. If it’s a little too late, adopt. 31 isn’t that old to have children (on average). If you were 39 you might be closer to now or never territory, but not at 31. Anyways, sorry to ramble, and kick that doctor in the ass.
Life is not incomplete without children. I am the happiest person I know. I am being totally serious.
Chris and I both love our nieces and nephews, but I am more in love with the fact that our time, money, attention, etc etc is for ourselves and each other. And our dogs, duh.
The fact that you are struggling with the idea of whether to have kids or not shows that you will be a thoughtful and good mother, if you choose to have kids.
:)
That sucks. I have no words for it. And the asshole doctor should shut the **** up about gastric bypass!
Though I have never had to experience stuff like that myself many of my girlfriends have and I’ve seen up close what it can do to a person. I think you are totally right to take some time to reconsider whether it would all be worth it.
Afterall: it is YOUR body, YOUR life, YOUR relationship and last but not least YOUR decision. xxxxx